Partner

Have you ever thought about how little time you make for your partner? You know, that person who contributed in the baby making process?! Your so-called other half? You make time for your kids, their activities, playdates, schools, the gym. You even make time to grab your latte at Starbucks! You make time to shower, pick out your outfit..you get the point. But what about your partner? Do you make time for your partner? Kids or not, ask yourself this question. Do you remember the beginning, when it was just the two of you and everything was so perfect? No responsibilities. Just the two of you...

Kids are like vampires. They literally suck everything out of you. My day starts at 7:15am and goes until 1am. Even when the kids are at school, I still eat, breathe, think and smell kids. I use my few hours to squeeze in my oh-so important run/swim. I am so pressed for time that just thinking about how I am going to get my workout in stresses me out. As I run, I think about what they are doing at school, what I will feed them for dinner, etc. I constantly think about my kids.

(Six hours go by and haven't spoken to other half or thought about other half. Very busy day)

There was once a time in my life when all I ever thought about was me and X.(explained below) I never left the house without lipstick, mascara and high heels. Okay-this was about 5 years ago, but I still reminisce! Even with my first pregnancy, I still rocked the stiletto heals. Then came the baby, nursing boobies, and and the lack of desire to look good and the lack of desire period. I stopped caring about looking good as I was so consumed with the baby.

The lipstick was the first to go-I kissed the baby so often that just applying it was pointless. Then the clothes-since I was nursing, I lived in $100 t-shirts, and then thought to myself what a complete waste of money since once the "big boobies" were gone, the T's would never fit. And of course the shoes...which I still stare at in their beautiful boxes lined ever so neatly in my closet. How Carrie Bradshaw of me, right? (Except I prefer Louboutin and Barbara Bui over Manolos any day.) The heels have since been replaced by flip flops and ballet flats. Soon after, baby #2 came, and my appearance has remained the same for the past 5 years. As for the desire factor, well, I remember my dad jokingly asking when I called him on Father's Day 2005 to tell him he was going to be a grandpa again, "'What are you...the Immaculate Conception?'"

Summer 2008, I discovered running. This was a huge tipping point for me. I discovered a hobby outside my kids; something I had not had in 5 years. It started with 45 minutes here and there. I focused on making time to run and now, well, its an obsession. Remember that--I FOCUSED. I run six days a week. Working out is an obsession for me. When I don't run, I swim and on some days, I do both. Since that summer, I have transformed into a completely different person. The "old" me is back except without all the war paint and uncomfortable shoes. Did you read what I just said? The "old" me--NOT!

Once upon a time, there was this Girl who fell in love with a wonderful Man. He was big, tall, and had a lot of dark hair. For this blog, let's call him X. X was funny. He made her laugh. She would get butterflies waiting for X at a bar, restaurant, or wherever they were meeting. In a crowded room, they could always find each other; they would some how make eye contact in a crowd and he would wink from afar. They would travel. It was Paris for Valentine's Day one year. Dinners at trendy NYC restaurants. Weekends in Healdsburg.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes someone in the baby carriage.....

When Girl was pregnant, they agreed that they wouldn't eat at chain restaurants, that they would still "have a life," that dad would be able to have his free time everyday after work, that they would keep all of their really nice glass tables, and here's the best one, that nothing between them would ever change.

Rule #1-Before baby is born, don't make promises of any kind regarding your so-called new life.

Rule #2-Don't be a food snob.

Rule #3-Your so-called life changes

Rule #4-you despise the fact that X still gets to have a life

Rule #5-Glass BREAKS

Rule #6-This is the most important. Your relationship with your partner is about to change forever.

If you follow these steps, you should have a perfect relationship!

5 years have gone by and things are very different. As a stay at home parent, I take on the full time role of being that Super Woman. I changed diapers, baths, Dr.'s appointments, activities, play dates, etc. The list goes on and on. After being out for most of the day doing these things, its then dinner, baths, cleaning up the house, folding the laundry, and trying to get the house somewhat organized before X comes home. Oh X-remember the person who used to make your stomach twitter with excitement? The only twitter I have now is my Twitter account that I don't even use. I am sick of pizza, chicken fingers and french fries. When I walk into Johnny Rockets, they know our order. By the time kids are fed, bathed, and put to bed, its just about 8pm. That gives me almost 2 hours to spend with X, and a large portion of that is spent in the kitchen getting our dinner ready and cleaning.

Now, I still love X. But X too has changed. For one, he doesn't have all the hair he used too...(I'm just being honest here.) I can't remember the last time we had a conversation that lasted more than 30 minutes uninterrupted (phone, blackberry, crying kid, disagreement, knock on the door. What happened to our promise that nothing would ever change? Were we really that naive about our new mission we were about to embark on? The answer is YES.

As I ran my long 2 hour run today, I thought about if I focused on X as much as I do my kids or even running for that matter, what would be left of me? Is it possible to carve out any more time in my day? You see, carving out time could be something simple as a small kind gesture. For X, it maybe writing a note in his suitcase like I used to. Or picking out a tie. These gestures don't take any addtional time in one's day. It just takes being thoughtful and I know X would love any attention thrown his way.

X was and is my original baby yet is treated more like the step-child. I feel bad saying it but its true. Being a good mother has taken all of me but has turned me into a neglectful partner. If I were the kind of parent that I am partner, well....let's just say, the kids might not be living with their mama. I am a terrific mother but a mediocre wife. It will never be just the two of us but there will always be US so I need to embrace every moment of that.

Oh, and by the way, kids broke BOTH glass tables...